My Way


fmgbain / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

“You are mad. I don’t know how you can go through with this!”

“It’s what I want.”

For Christ’s sake! You are too young to know what you want. Do you realise what you are giving up?”

“Giving up what? You want me to be like Liz? Heels too high, a mask of make-up, a long line of boyfriends!”

“Hey that’s below the belt”, my disgruntled sister interjected.

“Sorry Liz. I’m angry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s ok I get it. But you don’t have to bring me into this.  Anyway I thought your way was not to judge.”

It irked me when my mother spoke to me like I was a five year old child. But I wished I hadn’t snapped at her because now I have both her and my sister pitted against me.

It’s at times like this that I miss Ollie more than ever. I think he would have understood my decision.  He would be happy for me.

You may be wondering what on earth is causing so much friction within my family.  I have decided to marry and to say that my mother disagrees with my choice of love is an understatement. I’ve given up trying to convince her that he is the one for me. I suppose she had her own vision of the path I would take or the one I would commit my life to. This definitely isn’t it.  I wish I could make her understand that I have found love, comfort and solace in him.  A place to call home.

Let me tell you a little bit about him.

In a way I’ve known him all my life. He was a vague presence, someone I never paid much attention to. To be honest I did think I was too good for him. But after my brother, Ollie, died he was the only one I could talk to any time of the day or night. In the beginning I blamed him. Can you imagine? I blamed him because my brother had died.

But he just took it. He listened patiently and waited until I saw the truth. He never judged me. He was just there. He seemed to see the goodness in me. A goodness I didn’t know was there until I spent time with him.

My mother can’t stand the way I’ve changed my appearance for him. Yes, I’ve cut my hair and I no longer use make up. I don’t need it. They are false material things. They are of no consequence any longer. My family cannot begin to understand how I feel. They think they are losing me forever. But what they don’t realise was how much of myself I was losing without him.

But I will ignore the doubters.

Today I will wear the veil and take my vows.

As I slip the ring upon my finger, I will become a bride of Christ.

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