Today I had confirmation that the cancer has indeed returned. It is a lobular cancer and it is oestrogen positive as it was eight years ago; apparently lobular has a greater chance of recurrence. Let’s hope it will be sick of me after this latest visit because I am going to kick its ass into oblivion. I have decided I am going to channel Conor McGregor. For anyone who doesn’t know who Conor is, (I didn’t until my 14 year old son told me) he is an Irish mixed martial arts artist who is the current interim UFC Featherweight Champion. UFC stands for Ultimate Fighting Champion. And I like the sound of that!
The doctors are hoping it will be a local recurrence and confined to the one area but I will not know any of this until they scan the rest of my body. There is also a suspicious node at the right armpit which shall have to be investigated via a needle biopsy. I have prayed for a miracle that the doctors had somehow made a mistake but it is not to be. I always pray for my highest good (and in this instance I would have believed that would be for me not to have cancer) but what do I know? Seriously, I feel like God thinks I’m a ninja!
I am terrified at what the next few weeks may bring but I have always felt there is a higher power in charge even if I don’t understand why things are happening as they are. I have to trust and have faith. I believe in the power of prayer although it is being seriously tested at the minute. And of course as I’m an Irish catholic there are candles lit and novenas being said tenfold.
In the past I would have prayed negatively focusing on what i don’t want ….”please may my cancer be small. Please don’t let it have spread….. and on and on.” I don’t pray that way anymore. Now I pray positively which means instead of praying for what I don’t want, I pray instead for what I do want. I met a wonderful healer some years ago who warned me to be careful of my everyday conversations and to realise the power of my words.
“Wipe all negative talk from your life”, he told me “because to pray positively and talk negatively is to cancel your prayer out.”
And this is one cancellation I don’t want to make!
I am saying affirmations everyday…..”I am fit, well, healthy and my body is free from cancer.” I am finding great information on how to take control of my health in the book “The Key Model” by Dr Sean Collins and Rhoda Draper. They write of a new strategy for cancer recovery and emphasize the power of the mind and how it can be used to our advantage. They also suggest affirmations and describe them as, “self-programming software for your brain impacting on the physical, emotional and spiritual.”
And who am I to argue?
I’m not saying I will be able to keep this up every day, after all I’ve been ‘psycho Mama’ over less, but at least I’m aware now of when I’m getting into the negative rut and the danger of staying too long there.
After all my life my life may just depend on it!